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Terrible ways to describe the sex you just had

Friend: She rode my dick like “It’s a small world.”
Me: So for 3 minutes and then wondered why there were so many singing children in your room?

Friend: I fucked her like a rock star!
Me: You were too high on drugs to get it hard, huh?

Friend: I banged her like a gong.
Me: After one hit the judges escorted you from the room, didn’t they?

Friend: I tore her ass apart last night.
Me: Well I have a pool toy repair kit if you need it.

Friend: She told me I fuck like a lion.
Me: So for 30 seconds and then passed out?

Friend: I am superman in bed.
Me: Faster than a speeding bullet?

In August of 2001 he swore an oath to the tech community after the dreaded millennium massacre of 2000.

"Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my blue screen of death. I shall take no other OS, hold no other hard drives, produce no viruses. I shall wear no coolers and win no dreamhacks. I shall live and die at my POST. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the firewalls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night’s Watch, for this night and all the nights to come."

For almost 13 year he stood vigilantly on computers around the world. He protected us from the love bug and pikachu viruses. He faltered during the blaster attack and the witty worm and the realm gathered its forces so he would not fall. Patches came and went. The service packs were pinned to his chest showing all he had accomplished. He slowed, but still he stood by his vows.

This is a day were we must bow our heads in respect for all that was done for us. Without question, with little complaint, and with only a .37% fragmentation. We will carry on and not forget the lessons you taught us.

Sleep well sweet prince.

And now his watch is ended.


Marvel and the story web.

Another chapter of the marvel movie universe completed. And without a doubt it was an awesome chapter, but I realize that after the movie that no one can watch the current set of movies/sequels/spin-offs without watching all of the movies before them. If you sat someone down that had never heard of captain america and made them watch this movie, they likely would have enjoyed it, but 75% of the references would have been lost on them. Marvel and Disney are weaving this story web of epic proportions.

But this is not a bad thing. In fact, this is what marvel and the comic book industry excels at. Intertwining storylines, crossovers, team-ups. In the past before Iron Man, comic book movies were pretty much subpar on a good day. While you had some of the classics like Richard Donner’s Superman and Tim Burton’s Batman, You also had Superman 4, Batman 3/4, and you even had a Captain america movie that was straight to dvd as well as a Fantastic 4 that never even made it that far. After the turn of the millennium wasn’t much better, The first 3 X-men movies, the second 2 Spiderman, Ang Lee’s Hulk, Catwoman, Daredevil and Ghostrider. It wasn’t all bad though, these failures were used as stepping stones and eventually the studios realized that if you wanted to make money, you simply can’t just regurgitate a carbon copy of the previous movie.

You had to evolve, you had to grow, you had to move on. Winter Soldier is on the right path for this, another step in a very long journey. Marvel is making history in the movie industry, telling a continuing story that doesn’t feel old or boring. 

You can call this movie a sequel, but I don’t think you can really classify it as such. The continuation, sure, but sequel just doesn’t seem to fit for what marvel is pushing for. Every few months we get a new chapter of this ever growing story. We recently learned that marvel is planning and adjusting for a very long run, currently stretching over the next 14 years. Guardians of the Galaxy is the next in line for Marvel, it will be interesting to see if they can do the exact opposite that they did for Avengers. Start with the team and then move into solo runs.

Only time will tell. Good luck marvel. You’ll need it.








fucking idiots i swear

Jon’s expression is dry af. His patience been expired.


You’ll notice in small print during the broadcast of most major news shows that there is a surgeon general warning now that states "This program has been known to give you aneurysms if taken seriously." 

The eternal conflict

Heart: She’s so pretty, I love her and want to marry her.
Brain: You met her 5 seconds ago, you don’t know her.
Heart: But I love her.
Brain: No you don’t, you’re only going to get hurt again.
Heart: No, I won’t.
Penis: Does anyone want my opinion on the matter?
Heart/Brain: NO!
Penis: Why not?
Brain: Because you would fuck a warm watermelon if we let you.
Penis: Touché

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